Christmasween/Transcript

Part 1

Alicia: So, what happens on Christmasween?

Boyster: Well, everyone gets presents.

Alicia: (gasps exitedely)

Rafik: And everyone dress up in costumes and go trick-or-treating.

Boyster: And there's a feast, and we all share the spirit of, uh, Christmasween Dude.

Alicia: Christmasween Dude? What does he look like?

Boyster: Uh, he's got a beard, sneakers, and a leather coat.

Alicia: Is that all he's wearing? It sounds like he should be running from the police.

Rafik: No, Alicia, he's really cool. That's why they call him "dude." He brings us all presents.

Alicia: (gasps exitedely) In a sleigh?!

Boyster: Well, there's no snow, so he drives his... magic van.

Alicia: With reindeer?!

Rafik: Pssh! No. He's too spooky for that. He's got some, uh... (hears dogs barking in the distance) Dobermans!

Alicia: What are their names?

Boyster: Uh, Zero, Trasher, Smasher, Rancid, Cutie Swayer, and Rabies.

Alicia: Are you sure Christmasween Dude is a nice guy? Because he sounds pretty spooky.

Boyster: Yeah, but you know Christmas/Halloween people -- they pretend to be spooky, but they're just hippies who like the holidays.

Alicia: So do we get a day off school?

Boyster: Of course!

Arthur: Tell us more! How does he get into houses?

Boyster: Through the toilet.

Alicia: Ew! Why?!

Rafik: Oh come on, Alicia, he dosen't wanna get covered in soot.

Herman: And what kind of music do you play on Christmasween?

Boyster: Grindcore.

Arthur: What's grindcore?

Bus Driver: Grindcore goes a bit like this. (gruff voice) Raah! Raah rah-rah raah! Rah-rah-rah-rah-rah-rah! It's important not to mix it up with black metal, which is more like... Raaaaaaah! Another common mistake is to confuse it with Viking metal, which sounds more like banging a trash can with an axe.

Arthur: Thanks, uh, but aren't you supposed to be driving the bus?

Bus Driver: Yeah, but I'd rather talk about Christmasween.

(The kids scream while the bus drives itselft directly into a right turn. Mr. Pluss in seen sipping his coffee in his office, until the bus crashes into the office and suprises him. The students come out.)

Maddie: Merry Christmasween, Mr. Pluss!

Mr. Pluss: What does that mean?

Boyster: It means we get the day off school, and we get presents from Christmasween Dude!

Mr. Pluss: That sounds like complete megaloney.

Rafik: What's that?

Mr. Pluss: It's baloney times a thousand.

Mr. Small: (Offscreen) No, it's true!

(He reveals himself, with face taped into a smile.)

All: UGH!

Mr. Pluss: What's with the tape?

Mr. Small: It's been so depressing I forgot how to smile and so did my facial muscles, so I improvised. But since it's Christmasween, I don't need this anymore.

(He takes off the tape, which also pulls his skin off his face.)

Mr. Pluss: Oh, get a grip! Christmasween is a lie! Isn't it obvious?

Miss Radish: (muffled) No! It's a legitimate holiday!

(Mr. Pluss opens a drawer, and sees Miss Radish inside it. She gets up (vampire style).)

Miss Radish: Mazelbrag originated from some country where they do things.

Boyster: It's Christmasween.

Miss Radish: I was using the original, um...P-P-Prussian dialect.

Mr. Pluss: What are you doing in there?

Miss Radish: I was so sad, I tried to hibernate until spring, but it turns out that a human doesn't do that. Anyway, everyone gets a day off. Merry Christmasween! Bye! (zips off)

(Everyone leaves Mr. Pluss merrily.)

Mr. Pluss: Wait. Get back here! This is a school day! Hmm. I will prove to you there is nothing to be happy about in January. (Makes an evil smile)

Narrator: 'Twas then that Mr. Pluss knew just what to do. He'd make people see Christmasween was untrue.

Part 2

Shelby: [Whispering] So, what are you gonna do now?

Narrator: As all in the land lay happy in slumber, the little boy realized his Christmasween blunder.

Boyster: What do you mean?

Shelby: Christmasween Dude is supposed to give presents to everyone in Lundren.

Boyster: Yeah.

Shelby: And you made him up.

Rafik: Yeah.

Shelby: So who's gonna bring all of the presents?

Rafik: Well, Christmasween Dude will, of course. D'oh. I see what you mean now.

Narrator: Well, he realized eventually.

[In the living room, Boyster panics.]

Boyster: Oh my gosh! WHAT HAVE I DONE?! Think about how upset everyone's gonna be when everything I promised doesn't come true! It'll be like... [Imagines Earth blowing up]

Rafik: I think you're being overdramatic. It'll be more like... [Imagines a clay model version of Boyster being smashed up]

Boyster: Guys, you have to help me, 'cause Lundgren is waiting for a wish to come true [Singing] for presents delivered by their Christmasween Dude. You cannot deny them their hopes and beliefs! To lift them from sorrow, to save them from grief, to bring such--[Sings in a higher octave]

Shelby: Okay! I'll help you! Just stop singing!

Boyster: [High octave] Oh, thank gosh. I don't think I could've gone any higher.

Mr. Pluss: [Peeking through the door's letter slit] Yeah, I've got you now, Likowski.

[She attempts to take a picture only to be slammed in the face by the door. Boyster runs out.]

Shelby: Boyster, you just broke the door! It's supposed to open inwards, you know.

[Miss Simian collapses from being stuck on the door.]

Narrator: To save Christmasween, they ran and they ran. Only one thing was missing and that was a plan.

[Frozen in the middle of running, Boyster, Rafik, and Shelby fall on their faces. Gumball gets up, and runs again.]

Shelby: No, wait! Stop running! We need a plan!

Rafik: [Walks back] Oh, sorry.

Shelby: Actually, no. Carry on. Running helps you think.

Rafik: [Runs in place]

Shelby: Okay. First, we're gonna need presents. Luckily, trash cans are full of all the lame Christmas and Halloween gifts and candy people pretended to like, like that treadmill mom bought for dad. Just grab that.

[Boyster and Rafik run while carrying the treadmill with Shelby running on it (and running with them).]

Boyster: Something about this doesn't feel right.

[Scene skips to Arthur brushing his teeth. The toilet suddenly opens up, and a treadmill bursts through it (sending it flying through the ceiling).]

Arthur: Wow! I guess. Thanks for the treadmill, Christmasween Dude!

[The toilet falls on the operational treadmill, and squishes Banana Joe. Then other citizens get their presents.]

Narrator: So, the boys turned his wrongs into right, leaving everyone garbage on Christmasween night. The plan was successful and nothing could spoil it,

[In Tony's bathroom, Boyster quickly goes back into the toilet as the mentioned person uses it.]

Narrator: Until that guy there went and flushed his own toilet. So they snuck into homes but with joy in their heart, so we'll try to ignore the not-so legal part.

[Boyster, Rafik, and Shelby are shown breaking into other people's houses. In one, Gumball prepares to cut down a door with an axe.]

Shelby: Boyster, this is our home.

Boyster: But the door's already broken.

Shelby: Oh, yeah.

Rafik: Hyah! [Slices door]

[In their bathroom, They then sneak a present beside the toilet. Then Mr. Pluss takes a snapshot of them sneaking the present.]

Narrator: But just when they thought it was all in the bag, an evil force came to spoil Sluzzle Tag.

Mr. Pluss: [Laughs and enters through window] Ha! Christma-- Aah! [Slips on bathtub, but gets up] Christmasween is nothing but a lie! Now I can prove it! [Shows photo to them] See?!

Shelby: Who's that?

[Mr. Pluss sees that the photo he is showing is a photo of his butt.]

Mr. Pluss: Never mind.

Narrator: It was an attempt, although unrefined, to see what his backside looked like from behind.

Mr. Pluss: [Shows correct photo] See?!

Shelby: … [Inhales deeply]

[Boyster and Rafik cover their ears.]

Narrator: We'll save you the pain of how loud Shelby's sound was. Just imagine the scream of a million Chihuahuas.

Eugene and Lola: What was that?!

Lola: Sounds like someone put their tail in the deep-fat fryer.

Banana Bob​​​​: [Pops up from window] Or they stepped on the toes of the world's worst choir.

Jackie​​: [Pops up beside] Or a pack of hyenas in a fight with a rat.

Narrator: Yeah, whatever. Something like that.